even superheroes make mistakes

If we were perfect, I don’t think life would be so interesting. Don’t get me wrong, I am certainly an idealist and I believe in working with constant effort towards making the world a better place, and that starts nowhere but with oneself. However, mistakes are a part of life because we are not perfect. It is important for children to know this. It certainly helps my daughter cope with frustrations of “errors” in her drawings or other endeavors when we talk about how one sets out to achieve something. The journey to achievement can be so colorful, and lead us to totally unexpected destinations. If they know mistakes are natural and can make friends with them, they will be better placed to learn from them. When a child makes a mess, when the lego structure doesn’t add up to the instructions, when the behavior wasn’t ideal… if one sees mistakes as an essential part of life and learning, these moments become opportunities to learn something, in this case how to clean up, troubleshoot, or reflect.

A child being aware that his parents or instructors also make mistakes gives the relationship between the youngster and his seniors a more human tint, as opposed to seeing them as flawless superheroes. Some parents do not admit their mistakes to their children (especially if it involves their own behavior towards their children) and some do not apologize to their children. Once the child grows older, the truth of the situation can be quite disappointing if he were led to believe in his leaders’ infallibility. I think it takes a real superhero to admit imperfection and walk hand in hand with a child on the path of learning. As the saying goes – the more you know, the less you know. Or as said by Lao-Tzu: “The more knowledge you seek, the less you will understand” It is humbling to know that learning and improvement can know no end.

A situation where I admit my imperfection, no holds barred, is if my children ask me a question and that I do not know the answer. Is this an imperfection? I don’t know, but I certainly wouldn’t dare to pretend that I know everything, not for anyone! Some people ask me, when inquiring about homeschooling: “But, what are you going to do when they start learning about more difficult subjects, like chemistry or calculus?” Well I don’t have to wait until then! Let me think of a few hard ones they put to me lately… How does electricity work? (Classic) How is the egg made inside the chicken? (Intense) Or, how do they make bubble gum? (The commercial kinds are made of a petroleum by-product, in other words plastic.) And my answer? I say “I don’t know! Let’s find out!” and I am usually really excited about finding the answers with them. I am learning so much so-called “useless information”. I love it. Sharks have about 30 000 spare teeth, and every time they lose one, the next one ready to come out is bigger and stronger. Isn’t that just awesome? Basically, we go find the answers together. We search books, we look on the internet and most importantly, we experiment first-hand if it is at all possible. We cross-reference. We’ve spoken a lot about checking different sources in order to be closer to the truth about the information we find. We discuss how facts tend to change because all of humanity is evolving, and that includes scientists and researchers in all domains. They, too, can make mistakes! Even when I “know the answer” to their query, I find it is often a good idea to use the occasion to re-new and expand my knowledge by delving into a subject with them. Accompanying my children in the investigation process, oftentimes making and verifying hypotheses, is teaching them how to find answers on their own. Eventually, they will own their education. Not pretending to know everything is to me a very human and realistic approach and it shows them that learning never ends, and it never ends being fun. I truly love discovering with them. I loudly expressed my astonishment while watching a video of a scorpion fish attempting to eat an octopus, and my 6-year-old daughter looked at me like “wow you’re tripping mom” with a huge smile. Enthusiasm is contagious, and I sure am glad that it is.

When investigation leads to changes that affects the whole family, I approach it in the same manner. For example, we’ve been implementing lots of changes in our diet over the past years. I frankly tell my children “Mommy’s been reading up on health and food, and I’ve found out that “this” can be really harmful for our bodies over time, so we are going to try to not eat it anymore. You’re bodies and brains are growing, and it’s very important to put good foods in your body to help you to grow healthy and strong and beautiful. It’s also important for mommy and daddy to stay healthy.” I know it might not work as easily for everyone, but my children tend to embrace the changes quite peacefully, trusting me that I am leading them aright. The same honest approach will apply for any rule or situation that changes due to new information, or in light of our intentions of taking steps towards betterment in the unfolding of our everyday lives. Phasing in one change at a time helps us to remain steadfast in our efforts without getting overwhelmed.

All in all, I believe being upfront with my children about mistakes, knowledge and growth makes our life more honest and harmonious. I look at the eraser at the end of a pencil, and I’m thankful that it’s there. I’m happy that life is so organic. We do our best, and keep doing our best, and we keep our heads up in the adventure. When we’re stumped, we can look it up, together.